extreme hunger in anorexia

Extreme Hunger in Anorexia Recovery 30

Ready and waiting for the criticism that I may get as a result of writing about this. I don’t care. I don’t believe that shielding adults in recovery from eating disorders from the events that can, and do often, happen along the recovery path helps anyone. When we are taken by surprise by things like overshoot and extreme hunger it causes us to question the recovery path and relapse risk is much higher.

I don’t believe it is true that people are put off of embarking on the path of recovery because they read about things like overshoot and extreme hunger. The might react in the moment. The eating disorder might have a tantrum. But ultimately to fully recover one has to stop listening to the eating disorder’s fears. I think we all get to a point where the thought of recovery terrifies us, but we know we have to do it anyway. The better prepared we are for it the more chance we have in seeing it to the end.

This post contains swear words. Hope you don’t mind. If you have much experience with eating disorders you probably won’t. If anything teaches you the benefit of swearing it is a mental illness that is trying to kill you.

Extreme hunger is a pretty common part of Anorexia (or other eating disorder) recovery. I went though it early on in my recovery. Some go through it at later stages. Granted that some sufferers do not go through it at all. However, if I were to ballpark estimate the number of people whom I have known and worked with who went through it … 75%?

Maybe extreme hunger is more common in adult sufferers as we tend to have been restricting for 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 years? I don’t know. I just know it happens to more of us than is acknowledged.

Certainly more than less. Some resist it. Don’t want to admit it is happening because it is every eating disorder’s worst nightmare. Some embrace it because they, like me, have hit a point where they just don’t care anymore and know that nothing is worse than not eating.  I got to the point where I knew that nothing that eating could do to me was going to be worse than what Anorexia was currently doing. Some of us trust that this is a messed up “fuck you” to our eating disorder from our bodies — a response of strength. A response of life.

That is how I saw it. I was done. I was never going to be hungry again. Still, when extreme hunger hit it terrified me. My eating disorder told me it would never wane. My eating disorder told me that I would eat and eat and eat and never be able to stop. But I had stopped listening to my eating disorder the day I committed to recovery. My eating disorder told me lies my whole life. Why would extreme hunger be any different?

It wasn’t.

The hunger did wane eventually. My weight increased, then slowed, then one day I was back to my “Old Me” weight. My pre-eating disorder weight. I was Tabby again. I wrote about that in overshoot.


The Extreme Hunger Mistakes I Made

I’ll tell you where I went wrong so hopefully you can learn from me and bypass some of the dead ends I went down,


Mental Hunger Counts

There are two types of hunger in recovery. Mental hunger and physical hunger. Neither of them are required in order to eat, by the way. You can and often have to eat in the absence of hunger. Hunger is a bonus.

Even if you do experience extreme hunger you probably won’t get it straight away. Recovery is about eating regardless of hunger, regardless of mood, regardless of stress levels, regardless of whether or not you like what you are eating, regardless of the time of day or night, regardless of what culture tells you about food, regardless of what the person next to you is doing.

You can eat crying. You can eat shaking. You can eat swearing.

But let’s assume you are reading this because extreme hunger has hit. And you have eaten. You have eaten so much that your stomach hurts and your brain is saying “How could you have possibly eaten that much? How is that even physically possible? How can you ever justify eating again? You just ate enough to last you a week!”

But you still want more food. That’s the mental hunger. Mental hunger counts. Even if you just ate 20,000 calories. If you are still wanting more you can and should have more.

I learnt that one the hard way. I was slow on the uptake there. I would eat and eat a lot then still want more. I would let my eating disorder tell me that to keep eating when my stomach was full was ridiculous. It is not ridiculous, it actually makes sense when you consider that the brain is still getting signals from the body that the body is underweight and needs to eat more.

The signals are conflicting. The stomach is saying it is full. The body is saying it is empty. This is where extreme hunger can be a total clusterfuck of mixed feelings.

The mental hunger is distressing. It is like fingernails on a chalkboard. It won’t leave you alone. Is is a clawing, screaming, kicking, poking, thrashing hunger. It is your body awake and freaking out about the years of restriction it has endured.

The mental hunger doesn’t trust your stomach. You stomach has lied to it before. When you filled it up by drinking water before each measly meal. When you shrunk it my not eating for days. When you ignored the knocking of hunger cues for so long that they stopped. The mental hunger does not trust that you have eaten enough regardless of what your eyes and your stomach tell it. The mental hunger is trying to save your life.

I could eat until I felt physically sick, and then half an hour later I was ravenous again. It was as if all that food I had just eaten had been sucked out of me. In a way it has — the body so depleted that it was taking all I could give it and using it then asking for more. I used to feel like my stomach was a furnace and that the food was hitting it and being absorbed so fast that no matter how quickly I shoveled it into my mouth I could never keep up.

I resisted the mental hunger initially. Extreme hunger led me to eat more than I had intended. Far far more than the measly meal plan I had written for myself. Surely that was enough? Surely I was doing well to have eaten more today than I had done in 10 years? It felt unfair that the mental hunger was clawing at me still. Hadn’t it just seen what I had eaten? Didn’t it care that I had just eaten a burger for the first time in ten years? Didn’t it know how terrifying and liberating that burger had been? Why wasn’t it satisfied?

The mental hunger smirked at the burger, and the chips, and the crisps, and the chocolate brownie. The mental hunger absorbed and they disappeared without even making a dent.

Mental hunger doesn’t care what you think is a lot of food.


Another way to look at it: The (Almost) Bottomless Pit. 

In order to understand the mental hunger, I had to reframe how I saw it. I think a large part of the fear that my eating disorder latched onto and replayed in my head was that I was eating far far more than what a “normal” person would eat in a day. I was able to shut that thought up by telling it “Look, a normal person hasn’t just gone though 10 years of restricting.”

My eating disorder also loves numbers, one day I worked out how to use this against it. The numbers are not important here, it is the intent behind them. The intent here, was to show myself how big the deficit that I need to fill was in a currency I spent a long time thinking about: calories.

How to prove to your doubting self that you need to eat a lot. 

Let’s say I need 3000 calories a day (roughly what I ate pre-ED as a minimum, frankly when I was a teen 3000 calories would not have seen me past lunchtime, and I eat more than that now too). That’s around 1095000 a year.

Let’s say I only ate 1000 calories a day for a year. That comes to 365,000 in a year.

That is a deficit of 730,000 calories a year. (!!)

Let’s say I did that for 10 years.

That is a 7300000 calorie deficit I have to make up for!

Oh wait. I haven’t factored in the ridiculous amount of exercise I was doing in this time!

Lets just say that was a lot of exercise, hours each day. Now. even without the deficit that exercise created, I have 7300000 to make up for. No wonder a 1000 calorie burger didn’t even make a dent on the hunger, right?

In money terms that would be like having an overdraft of $7300000 and wondering why your bank manager wasn’t happy with $1000.

Now, I know that the body doesn’t do math like this. I know this is arbitrary. But looking at it like this did help me to be able to justify the hunger and why it was okay and needed for me to eat a lot lot more than “other people” around me were. Over the years and years of restriction I had created so much deficit that no matter how much I filled my stomach, my body and mind would be hungry.

I had a lot of making up to do. Understanding this allowed me to let go of the “being hungry still isn’t normal” voice in my head. So what. I am not normal. I am not like everyone else. I have anorexia.

Seeing the almost bottomless pit like this motivated me to start shoveling food into it. It also helped me to stop counting calories, as when you have that much to make up, it doesn’t matter. You just have to eat. No time to count or worry or overthink.


Nutrient Density Helps. Don’t fight it!

I learned that there was no point in trying to “fill up” on lower calorie foods anymore. All that they did was make my stomach more uncomfortable as the hunger would cause me to eat more nutrient dense foods on top of them. I put a temporary hold on foods like fruit and veg; rice; and other fillers that were not helping me satisfy the hunger. Instead, I ate cheese, peanut butter, butter, saturated fats. Everything got dolloped with mayo. I was finding the nooks and crevices in my diet, and filling them with nutrients.

My eating disorder hated this. But like I said, I went all in. I didn’t care. I was eating.

All this sounds very reasonable of me. However, the way that I came to this realization was neither reasonable nor dignified.

I was making a sandwich one day. I was feeling very proud of myself because I was making a cheese sandwich. Cheese was a huge fear food of mine. I was shaking as I made it. I was terrified. But I was going to make and eat this fucking cheese sandwich if it killed me.

It occurred to me I wanted to butter the bread. I got the (unopened) packet of butter out of the fridge. Then I baulked. It was too much. Too scary. I could not do it. Not cheese and butter. It was too soon for that. I was not ready. Especially since I had already eaten so much more that day than I thought was possible, surely I had done well enough even getting this much food in? Surely skipping on the butter would not make any difference?

But I wanted it.

But it was so much more! How could I be even thinking of adding butter! I had not eaten butter for years!

I made the sandwich without the butter.

I ate the sandwich with shaking hands, but I ate it, and I was proud!

I got up from the table and went to put my plate in the dishwasher. I noticed the stick of butter was still on the counter where I had forgotten to place it back in the fridge.

You should have had butter on the sandwich. You wanted it. You let your eating disorder win again. 

But the cheese was enough. The cheese alone was scary enough. 

Evidently not. What happened next was the result of extreme hunger mixed with sheer frustration about the fact that no matter how hard I tried to eat without restriction the eating disorder still won on some level. I grabbed a piece of bread and spread thick butter onto it and ate it. I ate fast in case my eating disorder tried to talk me out of it. Then I grabbed another piece of bread and did it again. Then, I took the butter knife and sliced off a slither of butter and ate that plain. Then another. Then another. Then the slithers turned into inches … .

I ate a whole packet of butter.

My eating disorder was horrified, disgusted. But I knew it was the right thing for me to do. My body needed it.

The moral of this story is that the next time I made a cheese sandwich I spread thick butter on the bread. Why not? Chances were I would eat the whole fucking packet later anyway. So what? My body needed nutrient dense foods and butter is one of the most nutrient dense foods you can get.

Interestingly, I found I only “binge” (I term these recovery binges, but will write more on that next week) ate in the way that I did with that packet of butter as a result of restricting and “not allowing” myself to have something. I learnt that in spreading some butter on my bread I would not feel the desire to eat the whole stick later. Restriction is rooted in many behaviours. Extreme hunger helped me weed it out.

The sooner I gave in and allowed my body nutrient dense foods, the sooner my extreme hunger turned into less-extreme hunger, into just plain old hunger, into a normal appetite.

You cannot counter it with exercise or any other purging

You are just making the whole process last longer. Go back to remembering the millions in deficit that you are and you will realize that exercising is dragging it out.

And if you know me you know where I stand on exercise in recovery anyway. If you are underweight you should not be doing any formal exercise of any kind.

It won’t last forever. 

My eating disorder told me extreme hunger would last forever.

I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise. I was 100 percent alone in my recovery process — that, by the way, was my biggest mistake. Sure, I was right not to trust the therapists who tried to psychoanalyse me and tell me that my eating disorder was a response to feeling out of control with my life. But I could have and should have recruited my ever-willing family and friends to help me out. Shame on me listening to my eating disorder there, as it told me not to trust anyone.

Extreme hunger lasts merely weeks in some people and much, much longer in others. It will not be dictated to, and you can give up trying to bargain and reason with it. It will run its course. You will end up in the same place at the end of it. You have two choices:

  1. Eat without restriction and enjoy doing so.
  2. Fight it. You won’t win. You likely will binge eat if you try to restrict here. Then you will learn the hard way like I did that the only option is option 1 above.

I fought it initially and binge eating came as a result. It took me far too long to learn that if I fought it I only binge ate all the foods I didn’t allow myself to eat a little while later. When I surrendered to it, the whole process became almost enjoyable. Sure, my stomach hurt as it was full the whole time, but I enjoyed eating.

It did not last forever. The hunger subsided when my body and mind were good and ready to allow it to. I had to place my trust in my body 100 percent. I had to trust it would stop with the hunger when it was done. I had to trust I would one day not feel that scratching need to eat all the time. I had to trust that my eating disorder was wrong (well, look where listening to that son of a bitch had got me anyway).

But most of all I had to trust my body. Extreme hunger was a gift in that it gave me no choice. I knew I would rather die than go backwards. The only option was forwards.

The same is true for you if you are in recovery, extreme hunger or not. Going backwards is not an option if you want a life.

Next week I will be focusing on the logistics of working with a meal plan when extreme hunger hits. Shout me if you have any questions, or comment here.

Please follow and like me :):

About Tabitha Farrar

I work as Head of Marketing for a software startup in Boulder. As a recovered Anorexia sufferer, I advocate for proper understanding of eating disorders in my spare time. On that note, I wrote a book about my own journey into eating again called Love Fat.

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30 thoughts on “Extreme Hunger in Anorexia Recovery

  • M.J

    This mirrors my thoughts almost exactly. This is really helpful. You have a way of explaining that helps me to see it is what it is. I read this page and one of my first thoughts was “I can finally justify myself!” even though it doesn’t need justifying just as you’ve said. I was getting so worked up trying to explain (or mulling over) in my own way to others how/why/ I feel so guilty and ashamed to carry out such actions. I’m not there yet but I could possibly see it on the horizon, it is scaring me a lot though. I’m not in the same place as I was maybe 3 years ago but I never moved on mentally.

  • Patsy

    Oh God, nail on the head Tabitha! In treatment, bingeing, overeating or eating more than your food plan were discouraged, not talked about or framed in the language of physco babble – trying to fill that elusive hole in my soul. EH is nothing to do with anything other than the body’s attempt to survive and get well. This is an invaluable post and information that should be available to everyone who embarks on recovery from an eating disorder.

  • Jen

    Thanks for writing this, Tabitha. I definitely get caught up in overthinking what and how much I’m eating, to the point of sometimes just not eating at all because of the indecision. This helps a lot. I’ll return to it again and again to remind myself.

  • Sarah

    Thank you for writing this post.

    However, as a sufferer of anorexia (sub type binge purge or whatever the hell they call it these days!), I struggle on a regular basis with not allowing normal eating to progress into a binge-purge episode. Do you have any specific advice on this for me?

  • B

    Thank you for writing this. My extreme hunger has hit me for the first time ever just yesterday and I had no clue what was happening to me. What worries me, and maybe you have an answer for this concern, is that by eating as much as I am now (because I’m choosing to listen to my body, but also the hunger is debilitating), I’ll gain back weight to my ”normal” self PLUS many many pounds more. How can I know that I’m not eating so much that I’ll be overweight by the time this extreme hunger ends?

  • Lily

    Thank you for possting this! I’m 173cm and 45 kg and a recovering anorexic. I often get huge hunger strikes and i just empty the fridge in less than 5 sec… YEah, i ‘m basically experiencing the same as you. But will the cravings stop when i’ll reach my healthy weight? And also, the day after a bigne i weighed myself. I realized i was now 48 kg and my anorexic mind started screaming at me! Loudly!!! What worries me is that these binges leave me feeling bloated, guilty, and scared, that i’ll gain loads of fat. Any advice?

      • Audra

        I Have struggled for 17 years with this. Now I have been putting on weight but the more I eat now the more exhausted I feel and like I didn’t eat anything at all even when I eat alot. Do you have any advice what I should do? Is it normal to feel worse before you get better?

  • Anonymous

    I’m currently embarking on my recovery process. I’ve been introducing foods into my day but freaked out and took a laxative to show my ed that I’m in charge I forced myself to eat something yummy but I’m giving so much anxiety now! Is it okay up eat late at night?

  • Cindy

    I’ve had anorexia for 11 years and have been in treatment for 6 months. I developed extreme hunger in 2010, 6 years before I even thought about refeeding. The hunger has not abated during those years. In 2012, I attempted suicide because I couldn’t stand being driven mad with hunger anymore. I”m eating well now, but my doctors all have no idea why I developed an insatiable appetite before refeeding. I hope it goes away eventually. It makes me feel hopeless and like I don’t even want food because I know I’ll still be hungry or hungrier after I eat it 🙁

  • Anonymous

    Thank Tabita! For your inspirational words I read them every hour literally to rev myself up and remind myself that I am allowed to eat. I held myself back for two days already, from using laxatives which is a major deal for me. Thank you for the permission that I needed and the consolation that everything will be OK.

  • Claire

    Hi Tabitha- I dropped 10 pounds due to orthorexia and exercise but never was anorexic or severely restricted (I was at 1800-2200, it just didn’t eat enough for my body and situation: know that now since losing my period for months now and having low hormone levels and white blood cell count). This happened after coming out of treatment for exercise addiction and orthorexia and weight restoring (had those for 4 years before that- never had my period once and was between 5-15 pounds underweight). I decided to get back up to weight because I was having binge urges (which id never had before) so for 2 weeks I ate 10,000 cals a day of extreme hunger and didn’t exercise. I’m now back to my healthy weight, but am still experiencing extreme hunger and now I’m not giving in to it. I am fully weight restored and don’t know what to do about these urges 🙁 any advice?

  • Olivia

    Did your extreme hunger stop without you forcing it to? Thanks I’m struggling with this at the moment and could really use some reassurance!

  • Hannah McLean

    Can you experience mental hunger even if you have put on a lot of weight? Ive always resisted going beyond my 1800 calorie limit. I also never decided to recovery my body kind of decided for me and just started putting on a lot of weight without me really eating more. I gained around 40 pounds slowly but surely while still eating less than 1200-1300 calories (which was more than I was eating when I was at my lightest but still not enough to put on 40 pounds!).
    Ive gained a lot of weight, I overshot my original weight.. still eating around 1300 calories but plateaued here. I was told to increase my calories. I slowly made my way up to 1800-2100 calories and my weight didn’t change, Ive been at this overshot weight for about a year now. I still resist when my mind tells me im still hungry depsite my stomach feeling full.
    Im confused and dont know what to do.

  • Ellie

    I pulled up this blog post to continue/finish reading it while i was bingeing at 1 am. I just wish i had read it earlier. It was so ironic that i began reading again at the part where you talked about the bread and butter…and i did the exact same thing ( i didnt eat a stick of buttwr, but i bargained with how much i was eating on my bread). Because of you i felt like it was okay to keep eating even though i was so ucomfortably full…ive had nearly a years worth of cravings on my mind. Ive been in a back and forth battle with restricting and recovering and I just hope that I can recover. I have been gaining several lbs over these past few days and it hurts to look in the mirror. My weight is currently higher then my pre-anorexia weight. Will it go back down eventually? Thanks for this post.

  • Emma

    why am I eating so much but not gaining weight? When I look in the mirror I feel fat but then the scale says I haven’t gained anything even though I’m consuming a ton of cookies and ice cream to become weight restored. I need two more lbs but they aren’t coming no matter how much I eat. What’s going on?

  • Natasha elphick

    Hi Tabitha I don’t know if you can give advice I’m currently trying to recover from anorexia I was nearly sectioned under the mental health act unless I increased my calories which I did. However my physiatrist told me to eat 2500 calories. I’ve not managed to do that but have been eating around 2200. But I seem to be gaining so quickly. This is my second time in recovery and the previous time I was eating 399 and was increasing weight slowly why is it this time eating less I’m gaining quicker. I want to increase my calories as still so hungry but just worried I will gain even faster and all ready feel like it’s spirialing out of control all ready. I’ve read somewhere that a recovering anorexia esting 2200 is still classed as starvation mode and the body clings on to everything ands that’s why I’m gaining so fast but I don’t know how true that is. Any advice would be great please can you help xxx

  • Sneha Kuruganty

    I love this article. I am in my third round of recovery from restrictive anorexia, I have been through all the hospitalizations, residential treatments, IOP and PHP and now I am in my second year of college. This time in recovery I am completely on my own and faced with the many choices of food that college offers. I am currently 85.8 pounds and know I need to gain weight. I am eating more than ever before and trying to enjoy it. I will have eaten 800 calories in one seating before I know it and still feel hungry. This article opened my eyes to the relevance of mental hunger but I still have a clawing fear. Every time in my past recoveries, I have gained so much weight so quickly and that caused me to relapse time and time again. I know that I have to gain weight but I do not think I’m ready to see it go up so quick. Also, I am afraid that if I continue to live this way and enjoy eating the things I am eating and the way I am eating, I won’t be able to stop myself… EVER. I already feel so out of control. I will have gone into the dining hall with a plan of what I am going to get then just go buck-wild and completely black out. I am so scared but I want to be able to have some structure and recover without just shifting from restricting to binging with the same outcome of over-thinking and guilt.

  • paris

    Hi Tabitha,
    I’m so happy to have found this article and in some ways comforting to know that I’m not alone in this struggle.
    I had eating disorders too. It started 3 years ago.. yes I lost so much weight as I used to eat 500 calories a day. All my friends felt I looked anorexic but I felt happy about myself. And yes, I have always been obsessed about my weight, always liked to be skinny. Then the scary part started, I started to feel hungry.. extremely hungry. When I started to eat, I felt horribly guilty and this went on and on for a while. It got me so depressed. It has been about 3 years now. I have learnt to recover on my own. I learnt to eat healthy and not be obsessed by calories and to embrace my body the way it is. It is a torturous process. I’m still recovering, yes I still feel guilty if I eat more than I feel I should. I also feel that I could never go back to old figure when I lost all that weight and I was about 45 kg. I don’t know why I feel that way. It can be so frustrating and makes me sad.
    I just wish I am able to handle it better and look at food in a better way.

  • Emy

    Hi, thank you for your writings. I’m 15 years old and I also have anorexia. This is how it happened :
    I have always been a little unsatisfied with my eatings habits and body image. But it was never something that preoccupied me that much. I focused on my intellectual side telling my self each time those thoughts hit me : “There’s way more in life than a body image to stick to” ” At least my mind is full too” … But I never pushed them completely away. I attempted dieting so many times but I wouldn’t last a day following the diet. I was curvy, I was big ( not too much ), I used to be nicknamed … but I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
    Then came Ramadan 2017. It’s the fasing month in Islam. It wasn’t my first time fasting but during this one, I observed some physical changes due to the fasting. I would still eat fried chicken and cookies with icecream at night but during the day … it was another feeling. After Ramadan I unconsciously started cutting some foods like bread, chocolate .. and when I started being conscious of it, it didn’t feel that restrictive : I was happy to do so. I cut off all junk food. It was summertime so me not having junkfood was an achievement. At that point , I was really really healthy. I would eat a whole bow of salad in the morning and not have the slightest desire for the cake on the table. I would eat fish, chicken but not fried. And at night I would have a soup or nothing at all.
    Then came the part in which I started counting: from a 1200 kCal as a limit, I drpped it to 700, then 600 … until it reached 400.
    I developed a habit of working out at least 10 miutes after waking up and for the rest of the day it differed but I had to be physically active no matter what.
    Then school started, everyone was commenting at how much weight I’ve lost. I didn’t believe them. I continued restricting and walked to school 4 times everyday. it takes 30 minutes to get there so it was perfect to satisfy my pysical activity requirements. I also had 2 hours of kickboxing a week … There’s too much to say !
    anyway, my weight dropped faster and faster and I wasq taken to a dietitian. I finally was partially convinced that I had a problem. She spoke with me very gentely and made me promise her that within a month I’d be heavier tha 50 kilos. I didn’t keep my promise at first, throwing away the food given to me and not washing the plate just to convince everyone else that I ate it …. I was satisfied with the way I looked. I was skinny, something I never imagined my self having as a property before. Some days I would eat nothing, Some days I would work out like a freak .. but when I allowed my self to eat more, it got messy. I started developing some bad habits with food from eating in secret to eating the shells and peels of fruits ….
    and I would freak out in guilt after a bowl of beans because it drove me further than my limit.
    One day I felt unstoppable. I started eating everything in front of me, like a beast, until I got physically ill. I felt like I wasn’t me. I just wanted to disappear so I went to bed. The next morning I woke up with guilt, worked out more than usual and told my self ” honey you’re gonna get punished” the punishment was not eating anything for days. that’s what I did for about 3 days. but psychologically , I was crushed. It resulted in me finally confessing it to my parents. as they encouraged me to eat saying it’s completely normal to feel so out of controle after all that period of restriction, it felt more okay to eat sometimes and sometimes not.
    Last week, I did it again. The attack on the kitchen. I felt guilty, fasted the next day. Then I did it again , and I got very sick afterwards, promised my self to eat moderately, broke hat promise (…)
    How about now ?
    I’m confused. It feels like the anorexic me is a huge part of me. I weighed my self two days ago to feel satisfied with the number 47 on the scale. I eat in secret because I don’t want to be seen havng some foods now, and then when I get scared of them or don’t want to eat them, to be told ” but you just had bread the other day” I had unbelievable amounts of food these last two days. I’m so scared of gaining weight. I don’t want to go back neither to my old body, neither to my old habits. I want to eat that cookie but at the same time I don’t want to feel guilty and I don’t want to develop an addiction to eating junk food.
    I’m lost. I’m living contradictory perceptions.
    I still haven’t said everything but whoa it’s a lot already !!
    I’m sorry it’s so long. I hope I get some help.
    Thank you