This blog is based on my personal experience. We are all individuals, and you should always do what is right for your own body.
This is just a short blog. In my book, Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover!, I have chapters and chapters on the concept of feasting after a time of restriction.
When in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder such as Anorexia Nervosa or a subset of it, many of us experience something I like to refer to as “recovery binges.” This post is written from the point of view of a person who has recovered from Anorexia, but could be true for any person with any type of restrictive eating disorder.
Recovery Binge? Say What?
If you don’t know what is up with these, and if nobody has ever told you that they are even a “thing,” you will feel … devastated … if it happens.
I was the first time. I thought I was the only person in the entire world who had failed so badly at Anorexia recovery that I had morphed into Binge Eating Disorder in the first couple of weeks. I thought that my penance for even trying to recover was binge eating. I thought that what I had done was so wildly abnormal that it was a sign that I had been doing the right thing indeed by restricting so heavily because — well, look what happened when I tried to eat normally!
So I went back to restriction. And then when I ate, I binged again. And so then I restricted. etc etc. Hey-ho, the good old binge-restrict cycle.
I had to learn the very hard and long-winded way that the only way out of a binge-restrict cycle is to eat one’s way out. Literally.
Anyhow, here is why I think talking about, preparing people for, and not freaking out about recovery binges is a good idea.
What is a “recovery binge?”
I will start with what a recovery binge is not: It is not Binge Eating Disorder.
I was convinced that I had magically shifted from having Anorexia to having Binge Eating Disorder overnight. Recovery binge eating is a natural bodily response to starvation or semi-starvation. I know that you have all heard me harp on about the Minnesota Starvation Study in regards to overshoot, but it also shows us that after periods of starvation binge eating is normal. Because the men on that study binge ate when they were allowed free rein on eating again. And no, they did not go on to develop Binge Eating Disorder either.
Animal Studies
Recovery binges are not just a human thing. Animal studies show that animals who have been food restricted consequently increase their intake of food dramatically once allowed to eat again. Laboratory animals deprived of food for as few as two hours will consume significantly more calories upon the return of the food than animals that were not deprived.
In humans, strict dietary restraint and/or abstinence from eating forbidden, highly palatable foods have been shown to contribute to binge eating. However, in my opinion even the scientific research on this confuses recovery binges that follow restriction with binge eating disorder. As this paper here cites some great points, but doesn’t seem to adequately differentiate the too.
The reason that I bring this is up is not just to show that it is a normal response to starvation to binge in recovery, but more to dispels any misconceptions that recovery binges are “emotional eating” or that there is some greater psychological reason for it. I know that we cannot ask the rat; “Are you binge eating because Mrs Rat is mean to you at the weekends or is it because you are just really hungry?” But I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that Mr. Rat is eating a ton because his body is telling him to make up for the starvation, not due to a deep rooted need for food to make up for the lack of real love and understanding in his life.
Evolution (kinda)
Okay look at it this way. My name is Joe Caveman and I haven’t eaten for three weeks. My friend, Jenny Caveman kills a buffalo (mad skills!) and suddenly there is a ton of food that if we don’t eat as much as we can now the wolves will steal from us.
Get it?
Your body has been deprived of adequate calories (and maybe you have been exercising too much too). It switches into “starvation” mode which is rather like hibernation. It wants to reduce your energy expenditure and because you have not been eating enough maybe it assumes there there is no food to be found (just like hibernation in winter) so it shuts off hunger signals for now.
Then, you start eating a little more (maybe someone put you on a meal plan or you increased your intake or reduced exercise. Your body is like “Hallelujah there is food!” “The famine must be over!” and “We need to eat ALL THE FOOD so that if famine comes again we can survive it.”
And that is all a recovery binge is. Your body being smart and doing what it needs to do to keep you alive. Before Tescos and Whole Foods, there was feast and famine cycles. The body, smart as it is, responds to those by reserving energy (starvation mode) in famine and cranking it up in feast. It also knows that in a famine time there is little point in sending hunger signals as no food is present anyway. This is why most of us once we have restricted food heavily for a while stop feeling hungry.
Then, then we eat a bit, we feel a tremendous (and ravenous) hunger as the body assumes that the famine is over, and it had better hurry up and feast on whatever food is going before the wolves eat it all. Now, I know there are no wolves now, and there is no famine in the 1st world, but your body doesn’t know that, does it? All the body knows is that you weren’t eating and now you are, so it wants to wake the hell up and make the most of the fact you are eating.
The Desert Example
I’m told that when people are dying of thirst in a desert, all they can do is think about and fantasize about water. They hallucinate water they are that obsessed with it. When we are starving our bodies, our brains do the same with food. When the person dying of thirst sees an oasis, she runs and jumps in and guzzles as much water as she can. And she might sit next to that oasis and do nothing but drink water for days and days after. But, after a while, she will spend less of the day drinking water. If that same person returns to a house with water on tap, she’s not going to spend the day obsessing over water any more. She doesn’t need to. She has enough of it.
When I was not eating fatty foods like cheese, butter, whole milk, burgers. I used to obsess over them. When in recovery I started to allow them, I ate them in a binge-like frenzy during recovery binges. But, once I learned that they were always going to be available to me — once I stopped restricting — they can now sit in the fridge and I don’t obsess over them. I can eat a piece of cheese without the urge to cram the whole block in my mouth. These delicious, fatty foods are just part of life for me now. Something I eat whenever I feel like it.
I don’t have to sit next to that oasis anymore.
But when I was restricting them, they literally were in my head all the time. Sleeping and waking. With food and water, the brain will fixate on the things that we don’t have enough of because it needs us to find and consume it. When you are weight restored and not restricting, your brain will move on. It won’t fixate anymore.
Lots of people in recovery think that the fact they are fixating on fatty or forbidden foods is because they have some wild uncontrollable version of Binge Eating Disorder. It really is not that. It is only because you are restricting food that you are obsessed with it. if you stop restricting, allow the recovery binges, and keep eating that food afterwards, your brain will over time, stop obsessing over food.
Here’s where most of us go wrong:
Here is where I went very wrong. And the point of this, as with most things I write about, is that I am going to be very honest about the mistakes I made so hopefully you won’t have to. I stopped eating after a binge because it scared the shit out of me.
When I say I could eat the contents of my fridge in a recovery binge I am not kidding. Other than the fruit and veg. Ironically, a recovery binge tends to have no interest in fruit and veg. It wants the milk and the cheese and the butter and the bread and all the cake. Then it wants all the chocolates in the cupboards, all the cereal (I could eat a box at a time) and all the peanut butter in the jar. Then it continues to scavenge. It wants the fat. It wants to eat fatty and sugary foods. Not the vegetables. This, is probably because my body is deprived of fats and my very intelligent body knew exactly what it needed.
However, my eating disorder was appalled. Horrified. How can you possibly need to eat ever again after you just ate all that food you fat pig it would scream. And then, you cannot eat tomorrow. You cannot. If you eat tomorrow I’ll …
What? What would happen if I ate tomorrow? What would my eating disorder do to me?
Nothing. But I was to scared by the eating disorder’s tantrum to tempt anything. So the mistake I made, was the day after a binge I would restrict and not eat.
Really, really bad idea.
Now, what happens here if you freak out after a binge and stop eating again?
Your poor, confused body thinks that the famine has come back. It then shuts down a bit. Then, as soon as you open the door to food, it goes “YES! We’re off! Better cram in all that is humanly possible before the next famine again …”
And so on and so forth.
I went really wrong here. The recovery binge traumatized me the first time and I restricted. Don’t do that as it will not get you anywhere other than the binge-restrict loop of hell.
Here’s how I sorted myself out
I ate. I binged one night after restricting all day, and I woke up the next morning and I still ate my breakfast. I didn’t want to. I was scared to shit. But that binge-restrict cycle had lasted years for me and it was just not working out. I knew deep down I had to change something, and I knew that I had to stop restricting — no matter what happened.
The binges didn’t stop overnight. But they stopped really fast compared to the years I had spent trying to avoid and control them. I have not binge eaten since. I do not and never did have Binge Eating Disorder. What I had, was a starved body that was desperate for food and needed to eat fatty foods. When I allowed it to eat it’s fill, and continued to do so day in day out, after a while it was satisfied, and my appetite returned to what it is now. A normal, healthy appetite.
What I did after a recovery binge:
- Told myself “its okay, my body needed that food.”
- Resumed my eating – i.e. did not skip meals or restrict afterwards. I continued to eat without restriction. My binge time was always at night, so I would wake up in the morning and eat breakfast.
If you take one thing away from this blog, know this: Just because you binge eat in recovery doe not mean that you have binge eating disorder! When you are fully nutritional rehabilitated, your urge to eat the whole house will go away. If you want to eat a lot now it is because you need a lot because you are in malnutrition. When you are no longer in malnutrition your body won’t need to eat abnormally high amounts forever. It is just common sense that a malnourished body needs more food.
It is important that you understand that. Your eating disorder will try and torment you with that lie. Know it is not true. Know that the only reason you are binging and obsessing with food is because you have been restricting. Know that it will pass if you keep eating.
This is really excellent advice. I cannot thank you enough for encouraging me to take those last steps to move beyond the ‘half life’. I have been able to stop binge eating in the last month by stopping the resultant restriction. I am, however, experiencing another issue – I’m waking up hungry at about 3am. It usually happens around 3 times a week and is really stuffing up my sleep. I do eat plenty in the evenings… is this something that you experienced or have heard of?
Yes! I have done that too. Food comes first right now. If you wake up you eat! When your body is recovered it won’t feel the need to wake you in the night any more.
Tabitha Farrar this is one of the most interesting and useful articles on recovery that I’ve read in some time (and I’ve read a ridiculously large number of them!) I’ve personally been through the exact same process of self-discovery as far as bingeing during recovery from anorexia. I have no doubt this article is gonna be shared all over the place! I’ve already emailed a copy to my dietician; I know she’ll love it and share it with her clients in PHP, as well as her outpatient clients. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you that really means a lot to me!
Thank you so much for this article (and your others about weight restoration and overshooting, plus the article regarding weight gain primarily in your stomach region). I’m currently about a month into recovery and have been feeling very anxious because the bloating has not subsided – my dietitian thinks it could be lactose intolerance but abstaining from milk has not changed the weight distribution on my body, and your articles encourage me to continue eating and even aim for an overshoot. Additionally, my main anxiety recently has been developing BED – my ED is telling me clearly I wasn’t that sick if eating is so “easy” (because I’m eating now) and that the amounts of food I’m eating are ridiculous. Again, this article has helped calm some anxieties to hear the science as well as the personal experiences. One thing that has helped me is to try to be fascinated rather than scared – the fact that I can consume as much food as I do is pretty amazing. Additionally, knowing that my weight will redistribute from my stomach helps because I figure it is only going to get more comfortable as I lose my “pregnancy belly” as I call it. Thank you for sharing your story – you are so strong!
Also, my dietitian has introduced me to the “hunger fullness scale” and I find myself wanting to eat, although I’m not 100% fully hungry. I was wondering if you had any opinions about rating hunger/fullness in the beginning of anorexia recovery?
Mental hunger and physical hunger are different but in ED recovery you HAVE to respond to mental hunger by eating. The fullness scale can be chucked out the window in ED recovery. That may apply to the general population but not to a person with an eating disorder. Mental hunger is the one when you feel full but still want to eat more – it is important that you respond to mental hunger by eating more.
Hi there , I know this is an old blog but hoping you can give some advice. My daughter is going through this kind of thing now, 2 years after diagnosis. Although with her, after the binge comes the purge. It’s absolutely heart breaking as this seems to have come out of nowhere, and is so frightening for her. She was doing amazingly well for the last 6 months, and now this.
So if I’m full and my mind says that I want more food I have to eat because I have that and I’m trying to not restrict to close the cycle:)
That is exactly how I feel. I am so afraid of restricting in anyway right now because I want to hold on to this recovery finally. I had an extreme panic attack last weekend when I started to restrict, I think in part because my body started to fear going back into starvation mode. I am more willing to “binge” just to make sure I dont screw this up, if that makes sense. My brain is screaming for food, even though my body feels full.
Thanks a lot for ur advice and guidance!
Well I sure needed it..
I myself have been going through the same thing and for sometime was very confused of why I kept on switching between being an Anorexic and then suddenly a binge eater…
I hope ur advice works…
Hoping for the same ?life dictated by food sucks, I want to go back to old me who was interested in science and medicine, not some food-obsessed demon
Thank you for this. As I sit here and stew over an alcohol-infused binge I had last night. I am finally able to put myself in social settings again and enjoy drinks with friends but I still restrict during the day and then the mix of alcohol and restriction makes me gorge at night. I’m talking cake, chips and salsa, cookies, and everythingggggg. I know it’s part of my recovery process but I have such a fear that it will turn into BED.
Hi Tabitha,
I just want to thank you for putting this out there. I’ve been working on recovery for about two months now, and have put on ten pounds but still have about fifteen more to go to be at a healthy weight. In the last few weeks I have been going through binge eating issues. It has scared the ever living crap out of me, how could I possibly go from hardly being able to put a half of a tablespoon of peanut butter on my toast to eating an entire container of it in one sitting, it makes no sense. The craziest part is Ive Been able to literally eat thousands and thousands of calories in one sitting, and Not gain any weight from it at all. But I keep doing the wrong thing and then restricting the next day. My ed says you ate ten granola bars last night you certainly don’t need any carbs for the next week. But then I end up binging again. Your article has helped me realize that if I keep restricting my body will just keep overriding and going back to binging. I need to listen to my body and realize that it knows what it needs and it’s doing this for a reason. I’ve literally led myself to believe that I was usuing recovery as a way to be a glutinous pig. Not true, I suppressed my self for so long that my body can’t trust me anymore so it’s taken manners into its own hands. I wish this topic was discussed more openly in recovery it’s not something my nutritionist or therapist has ever brought up and I don’t bring it up because I’m so embarrassed and feel like I have lost control. I do have a question, how long did it take you to get past this phase in recovery? I am hoping that if I just stick to my meal plan and listen to my body that I’ll get past this.
This was reaallyy useful .İ appreciate it.
Alot of the people who posted here seemed to be very early into recovery from anorexia. I currently have been out of treatment for three years but still have periodic binges (although they may be what my previous therapists classified as controlled binges). Regardless, I still feel mentally awfully and physically uncomfortable. Is it normal to still have binges this long after coming of treatment or is this a sign that I have not fully recovered?
I was thinking this too, I’m so scared. I know about the pendulum of restriction binge, and that I need to stop restricting and keep eating meals after binges in order to reset the “mental hunger” of famine and feast.
I know that. But I’m so scared the binging won’t stop- I’ve had a few restriction relapses but over the last 8 weeks I’ve been binging every day, and forcing myself to have 3 meals a day, every day. That’s what I’m supposed to do right! I hope so! I feel like utter garbage, so shameful, everyday I can’t stop a binge from starting even thought I’m telling myself there’s a meal coming, or that I just had one.
Please, How long will the binging continue until it stops? How much longer do I have to deal with the sheer self hatred and disgust that comes every time I binge and then force myself to eat meals? It’s been Every day for 8 weeks, the calories are terrifying me. When will it end.. Any word from anyone would mean the world to me, I feel so so alone.
Hey there 🙂 I’m so sorry you’re feeling this lonely… But at least, as you can see, a lot of us are going through the exact same thing. You’re not alone 🙂 Also, if you’re not already going to therapy I highly suggest trying it. Talking about it with someone is SO liberating, and it helps you clear your mind and rationalise things. Stay strong 🙂
Hi, I’m not sure if you are even getting replies on this, as I see it’s been posted a year ago! Are you still struggling with binge eating? I’ve only recently become familiar with Tabitha Farr and I appreciate most of what she says, but my binges that began early on in anorexia recovery have never gone away, even after about 7 years now. I find it really hard to believe that I don’t have binge eating disorder by this point. Reading all this makes me feel like I must’ve screwed up somewhere….? Anyway I wanted to say you’re not alone and I really hope you are doing better than I am!!
Hey this is me right now and I’m very lost… How are you doing? Have you stopped?- If so how?
Thank you so much!, I was really scared i was falling into binge eating disorder. When my doctor told me that from now on i could eat whatever i wanted i decided to free myself and enjoy the foods that i had always deprived myself (mostly carbs and sugary stuff since i have pcos and insulin resistance), but now i feel disgusting and ashamed, i’m binging like 4 times a week when i feel like i can’t stop myself. I’m currently really far away from my family (I’ll be an exchange student for the next 4 months) and i feel most alone than ever. I’m really afraid i might fall onto another disorder that i won’t be able to cure before i get back with them.
I cried through this whole article. I was prepared to starve tomorrow and the rest of the day. I needed to hear that the extreme hunger is not a binge disorder. Gaining the weight is extremely painful for me and any anorexic. I still have a lot of therapy to help me not to see it that way. I have overshot what I consider a good weight for me by 11 pounds. That isn’t much but the fear of it going on and on is beyond frightening. I still hope my nutritionist can help me lose the weight during recovery so that I can see myself in a positive light instead of a negative one. It is making recovery a a punishment instead of a positive life changing goal. That is the anorexic talking and the mind doesn’t heal until it decides to heal. Instead of just letting it happen, I hope for that medium thin/thick to propel me into the new life of a healthy person. Is that even attainable after anorexia and bulimia, especially when my eating disorder put me at a normal weight?
You can’t recover from a restrictive eating disorder by putting a weight limit on yourself. You have to let go. It sucks and it’s terrifying but that’s the only way. I know you posted this comment a long while ago so I hope you’re doing well in your recovery now.
Wow did i need that!! I am not an active anorexic but i used to be and now my body weight is low because of a rare disease that i have. Anyways….i binged last night and i am very familiar with the recovery binges because of my previous boughts with anorexia but i did not apply it to my currant situation. Now i get it….regardless of the reason for the low body weight i believe last night was my body saying….”you are dying! EAT!!”. I felt such guilt this morning but now i feel much better! I will not try to restrict today –even though that old familiar voice is telling me I’m a fat pig. Lie lie lie! Thanks Tabitha! I really appreciate the wisdom!
Thank you for your article. What if I am bingeing when I am normal weight? The binges came on suddenly after I had been weight restored for some time. Is this bigger eating? I’ve also lost my period 6 months ago, due to exam stress.
Thankyou! This has put all of my thoughts down on paper and it feels so good to know I’m not the only one!!
Thank you so much for this ????
You have no idea how much this article has helped me. I hope to recover soon from this disease. It’s really different when you get to hear other stories from people because it makes you feel less alone. Thank you again ?
Thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for every article you have written on this it has changed my life. I wont go into the details of my situation but am recovering on my own from 18 years of anorexia and bulimia starting at age 13. Disease and recovery have all been in complete secrecy. there are no words to describe how thankful i am for the time you have taken to write about this i now understand the most scary part of recovery and why it is happening to me and what to do about it. And that there is really nothing wrong with me it just means am finally really recovering and it will pass. Am now able to be gentle and loving with myself over it. am gone to sleep and awoken a different woman after reading your articles am crying there are no words to thank you
Thank you so much for sharing. I wake up every morning feeling my stomach aching and begging for food even if I had eaten alot the day before (like dinner plus an entire carton of icecream) A family member told me to be careful not to over eat and that i moght develope binge eating disorder and I’ve been terrified ever since. This was really helpful.
Thank you so much for this really excellent article. Every single word makes so much sense and I just wish this sort of information had been available to me 10,15 years ago when my life was ruled by endless binge-restrict cycles.
Love this so much. It’s made me feel a million times better x
Thank you so much.
Recently I have been scared shitless because I keep eating but I don’t ever feel physical hunger. Like, I have never felt full. I used to be a binge eater and then I fell into anorexia. Anytime I think of food, all I want is to just eat it, but it feels the same way as it did when I binge ate. All I thought about was food and all I did was eat food. I have no idea when I am actually hungry, and I have a hard time determining when I am still hungry or if I am full. I am needing to gain weight but it has been so hard especially since I have experienced binge eating disorder and it is a very hard thing to have to go through. I never get full and I never know when I am hungry. Do you happen to have any advice on this or anything? I am very confused and I do not know what to do.
The same thing happened to me, and I think my recovery attempt is pushing me into bulimia… It’s so frustrating and I feel awful most of the time. I’m so scared of having things go back to the way they were before. I’ve been depressed for so many years and I don’t want to hate my body again now that I finally like it.
This is an amazing article! I just binged for the first time in a year after uber-restrictive eating for around 10 months. I’ve dropped from 176 pounds to 123. How can I maintain a lower weight without going into starvation mode or gaining weight? Lots of love, Isabel
According to one of the most famous studies done on starvation, starvation mode does exist however it only kicks in once your body fat levels are dangerously low (well below 10%) and your calorie intake is in extreme deficit.
I know you wrote this a while ago, but in case you or anyone else sees it, you can’t force a weight on your body, especially if you’ve got a history of an ED. EDs love control, and aiming to maintain a weight that requires disordered habits/thoughts is harmful to your body. I hope you’re doing well in your recovery xx
First of all, I would like to say glad you recovered.
I am also in recovery mode at this time. Came last July/ August I have been recovering. September was the crazy ride of the massive cravings pf high fat foods. I thought the “binge” eating stopped last month. but it feels like it comes in waves. And I have just been eating normally, healthy this month. But BAM! Feels like the high fat “binge” is coming again. Had a bit of a grilled cheese craving, surprisingly I was eating like 5-6 portions throughout the day! Don’t forget the crackers and nutella. Didn’t know this was coming again lol.
Anyone else found out the “binging” comes in waves? Thought I recovered :/
I will meet with my doctor next week to further discuss about my recovery.
This article made me cry. Thank you so much for writing this ❤️
Dear Tabitha,
I am recovering from anorexia. I am weight restored and decided to stop my “paleo” diet to further on my recovery. I am in the overshooting process and I have had many recovery binges. I can’t thank you enough for your blog. It truly saved me from quite literally going insane. Until I read this post, I definitely thought I had binge eating disorder. Thank you for reassuring me that this is part of this never-ending and terrifying process. Thank you, thank you, thank you…. I just hope the negative thoughts, and the feeling “fat” will go away. I feel the desperate need to loose weight, as I am way to heavy now. But, your blog reassured me that this “weight gain” is part of recovery and soon it will go away.
Merry Christmas and happy new year!
Kind regards,
A. C Boyer
Your comment has really helped me because I’m in a similar situation where I’m weight restored but recently stopped over exercising and following a strict diet to continue recovery. I’m not underweight, so it’s harder to still be eating a lot. It’s nice to hear from someone in the same place
I have one question..i have been recovering for 2 months now and im weight restored. However, even if im at a healthy weight im still binging and craving all day long. How can I stop this??
This is one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time (and believe me – I’ve been reading A LOT). I’ve been restricting for about two years now. I’ve been doing Intermittent Fasting (mostly the 16/8 method with occasional 24hr fast), however, last December my disordered eating reached a peak in which not only was I restricting the time I was “allowed” to eat (i.e. only 8 hrs a day, which later became only 6 hrs a day, and so on…), but the calories as well, and lost a tremendous amount of weight. Then, once I realized this was not okay (not to mention I felt miserable) I started trying to eat “normally” again. However, this turned into periods of Binge Eating as you’ve described before – once I “allowed” myself to eat, I’d eat literally ANYTHING that was in the house (shout out to eating a whole jar of Nutella in ONE SITTING).
I’ve been Googling and researching for the past couple of weeks, hell – months constantly, about eating disorders, IF, and so on. I’m still not sure about WHAT to eat and WHEN to eat. Should I stop fasting? Should I start eating breakfast? And so on. It seemed that nothing I tried had any effect on me – if I “allowed” myself to eat breakfast (even a simple banana), my body would think “oh, we’ve entered the ‘feast’ window” and started to crave anything (mostly sweets though) and I’d start to binge eat later on during the day. Your article and experience have really helped me realize there is NOTHING wrong with that, and, subconsciously, I knew that too. That your body is just trying to replenish the calories and nourish yourself again in the best way it can.
I’m still far from a full recovery (i.e. I’m still obsessing over food, pondering whether to stop doing IE completely, etc. etc.), but my binges have been decreasing in frequency and becoming more healtiher (I’d bing on granola bars with yoghurt for example and not on chocolate now, hehe), but this article has really helped me to put my mind more into ease so thank you, really, for sharing your story.
Oh my goodness I thought I was the ONLY ONE!! OH it has been positively AWUFUL and I am SO ASHAMED. Clothes that used to HANG off me now..fit!! GROSS!! I feel like the goodyear blimp and its deplorable and I couldn’t feel more ashamed…how could I let this happen? How I could I gain all this weight back when I had starved myself so thin I couldn’t even walk barefoot! what HAPPENED to that girl? Who is this FATSO who is taking over my body??? Your words have really hit home for me…as I sat here reading while eating 5 cookies – one was a cooking “sandwhich” and the other 4 were actually “take n’ bake” but I ate them raw..cuz raw cookie dough was of my favs prior to the triumphant anorexia!! But at least the take n’ bakes were Vegan… 🙂 Thank you again, I will continue to return to this to help me through this nightmare…
I feel like I haven’t been restricting enough to warrant my body “needing extra nutrients” in recovery or “re-feeding” – with orthorexia I’ve always maintained a reasonably healthy weight just very strict macros and nutrients, so DOES my body need these binges? If at all, I feel like mentally that’s why I’m binging in recovery (because there’s no rules now so I’m just going for everything that I couldn’t, even though my body wasn’t technically deprived). But I’m scared that I’m just using “recovery” binges as an excuse to binge. It’s so confusing!
Okay so ive been struggling with my eating disorder for a year and a bit now, and i was doing really well but fell into another restrictive period because I got injured and couldn’t exercise anymore. I lost 15 pounds in around 3 weeks and I honestly wasn’t hungry, a half a slice of toast would fill me up enough to last a whole day. This week, I binged and purged, and its been almost 5 days of me eating so much.. like 3000-4000 cals I think. But I’m scared that me eating this much and not exercising will last a long time and i’ll never get over it. even sometimes when I’m full I still end up stuffing my face full of food and i feel like such a failure..how long did your recovery binge period last because I look weight restored (probably 130lbs now at 5 foot 4..) and it still hasn’t subsided. please respond.. thank you.
Even with my brain in full on restrict mode can see that your ed thoughts are trying to make any excuse it can to get you to restrict more. I’d say the healing thing would be to EAT. Your body will stop wanting to binge at some point and doesn’t extra weight even out after a few months or something? *hugs* bye now.
Thank you for this, I’m not in recovery but have been wondering why in gods name do I keep binging on crunchy pb? I really love jiffy natural. And only pb?! It’s all I want to eat. I tried pb2 to but it’s something the devil would feed you imop. Oh well, pb it is I can’t seem to go past 4 tbsps anyways as its so filling.
I reason with myself I must really need it so I’ll just keep making room for it. And better than being stuck on junk food like last year. That wasn’t a good year… 0 energy.
The molasses in it makes it extra good. It just hits that *I feel better now” feeling and lets me go to sleep.
Saving this article.
Thankyou for this amazing post i am feeling a bit relaxed after reading this.
But i really really want to know how do i differentiate that whether i am having recovery binges or binge eating disorder.
Please help I am really feeling like killing myself everyday after those binges twice a day.
Thanks so much for this blog! I freaked out when I started bingeing, but luckily my mom told me to calm down and get on google. One question. Should I follow all my urges to eat as I recover, or can I ignore the ones which start to bother me when I’m out with my friends or family? And can I eat whatever I want?
Do you stop thinking about food all the time? For me it’s more of a pull towards it than actual physical hunger, it’s really confusing, it’s like nothing else in my life is interesting anymore! I used to get excited about certain stuff, now my brain is on food-mode!!! I feel so awful and guilty and just miserable that all my interests have vanished
Thank you so much for everything you said I’ve been anorexic and exercise addiction for 30 years recently I got so horribly under weight I absolutely loved it but then I fell and was unable to exercise then my body went into a mind of its own Like a coma with eating and eating and drinking alcohol I obviously gained weight but it didn’t last to long and I thought I was ok leveling off then it started again and I just eat I’m still unable to exercise I’ve always dealt with things by not eating I love being bones why am I doing this I’m sickened with myself and so confused and Drs are horrible sorry if I said anything that might trigger some one first time I’ve posted anything
Sarah
Thank you so for your blog and sharing you experience. Since reading it it really havens lot if Courage to continue recovery.
Yesterday I binged a whole jar about 500g PB and felt quite guilty after it but you always manage to K.O. my ED that restricts me:)