I get asked this question a lot — by clients, via email, via Youtube — and it is one that tripped my up from time to time in my own recovery. Until, one day, I realised that there is one simple answer: If you are asking the question, “how do I know if I want more food?” ... you want more food!
I know it sounds too simple to be possible, but seriously, eat more.
Similar questions people in recovery often ask:
“How do I know if I am actually still hungry, or if it is just emotional eating?
“How do I know if I have eaten enough?”
“How do I know when it is time to stop eating?”
“How do I know if I am eating the correct amount?”
“How do I know if I am hungry, versus if I am just habitually eating?”
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah … see a theme here? It’s all eating-disorder-brain doubting bollocks. It’s all the “what if I’m eating too much” fear creeping in.
First off, I don’t believe in emotional eating. Or if I do, it’s not the type of emotional eating that most people think of. Malnutrition is pretty bloody harsh stress on the body, and your body is exhausted and overwhelmed, so of course you are going to feel emotional. We are always in some sort of emotional state, everything is emotionally guided on some level. That’s appropriate. That’s not an issue. I certainly ate emotionally in recovery and I had every reason too considering I had been restricting food for a very long time.
The “emotional eating” idea where people just get fed up of adulting and sit around eating all day is the type of emotional eating I don’t believe in because it suggests that this eating is frivolous, superfluous and dangerous — which it is not.
People often worry that they eat more, or differently, in times of stress, and this often gets hijacked by the “emotional eating” story. Well, I’d say that eating more and/or desiring more caloric food choices in times of stress is exactly right, and by design, not some personal flaw. Stress is stressful on the body. You operate in a higher gear when you are stress. Stress is depleting. So eating food in response to stress is pretty fucking appropriate. I made a video on emotional eating here –> https://youtu.be/PKp9xBfVgmc
Furthermore, if that stress is generated by malnutrition then it is even more appropriate to eat in response to that stress. So be it. Do it. You need to. Oh, and then your anorexia brain is going to get all “but what if I develop an emotional eating habit and never stop?” Give me a break. You have a problem with restriction to the point that your body is in a state of malnutrition, and you finally eat appropriately for a couple of days and now all you can worry about is having a problem with excessive eating? That is sooo typical eating-disorder-brain worrying about shit that doesn’t really matter and isn’t going to happen. Stop it. Focus on the present. Focus on what is actually happening and what is actually true. Where are you now? Right now, you are in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder. Stop future-tripping about what your reaction to stress might be 5 years from now.
And yes, I thought all these thoughts when I was in recovery. Yes, I thought I would develop an emotional eating problem. Yes, I thought I would get in the habit of eating 10,000 calories a day and not be able to stop. No, none of these things actually happened.
Why?
Because my body knows what it is doing. Turns out I was desiring to eat a ton of food because … I needed a ton of food.
How do I know if I am still hungry?
If you are asking that question, you are still hungry.
In recovery from anorexia you are going to likely want to eat far more than what is a “normal” amount of food. This is what happens after you have been eating a low amount of food. It’s common sense. You have been eating abnormally small amounts of food, and you will need to eat abnormally large amounts of food to get into balance.
Here’s something incredible: now that I am recovered, I don’t think of food the whole time. My mental hunger is no longer present — other than when I am hungry. Say I am eating some cake, I’ll eat cake, and if I want more I will have more. If I don’t want more, I won’t continue to think about the cake. My mind wanders onto other things. It’s not like I have to sit there and ponder over it. I know if I want more and I have more. If I don’t want more, I’m not even asking myself that question. If I am thinking about the cake, I obviously want more cake.
And its not like when I had anorexia when I would spend 20 minutes convincing myself that I was not thinking about the cake — because that is still thinking about the fucking cake, isn’t it? That’s still mental hunger.
He’s the acid test question I used to ask myself when I was second guessing if I wanted more food in recovery: “if this food had zero calories in it, would I eat more?”
Aha! So now we have it! If there was no caloric opportunity cost, would you eat more? That is how you know if you really want more or not.
When I was in recovery, the answer to this question was always “yes.”
Now, years fully recovered, and with a long-term nutritionally balanced body, I never even have to ask this question. If I am hungry I eat more. No stress. No guilt. No what ifs. It really is that simple.
TL:DR: if you are wondering if you want more food, you probably do.
This post is very helpful and came at the perfect time. Thank you Tabitha!
Tabitha, your “acid test” question is pure gold; I am going to create a little poster with those words on it and keep it near me when I’m eating! Thank you for this extremely useful post!
This post helped so so so much omg, I recently started recovery again after a relapse, and I was second guessing so much over if I was still hungry or not. This really awakened me to the actual core of it and the acid test question is just incredible and I’ll be using that a lot from now on lemme tell you!! Honestly this has helped me more than you know so thanks sososo much for this I really appreciate this :)))
To be honest, I am facing with this mental battle, calculation and questioning if it is enough, am i hungry, etc.
Do i really want more or actually less and stuffs?
What do i really crave?
Or rather why when i crave, but when it is right in front of me. I dont feel like eating anymore.
Everything is being processed by the brain.
But then when i start to eat sometimes, i constantly felt full. Until the extent that it hurts so bad.
Then i started blaming myself for eating too much. When i already cant eat anymore.
Oh well, it is just so puzzling.
‘Here’s the acid test question I used to ask myself when I was second guessing if I wanted more food in recovery: “if this food had zero calories in it, would I eat more?”’
I love this.
It’s just what I needed to hear.
I’m in treatment for anorexia and my BMI has just entered the ‘healthy’ zone. Yesterday, my lead professional suggested that I skip the odd snack or dessert because I’m no longer the the ‘danger zone’! That made me worry that he thinks I’m fat or gaining too much too fast. After much worry, I came back to the conclusion that I refuse to compromise my recovery for anyone – even my treatment team! Thanks for the timely reminder Tabitha xxx
I’m in a battle with everything food my head everything and have no help at hand other than my family I have anorexia and bulimia my weight is so low bmi is very low danger zone n doctors doing bugger all and suffer with bipolar split personality disorder and schizophrenia too so battles are bad my heads a shed I feel this has helped thank you, you speak clear sense n no bull I like it. Thank you
How do you deal with premeditated eating? My mind tells me to per se to under eat because I can/am going to eat more later but at the end of the day i don’t? Is there a post on this somewhere or if anyone can give advice? I am so close to breaking my ‘mind set’ it preventing me to recovery. Healing the mind is the most crucial i believe because once that cured the weight will come on. I just don’t know how to break the unrecognizable habits. I have been on my own in my recovery with no professional help just support ‘you can do it” from my family because they don’t know what to ‘tell’ me other than eat more.
Thank you,
Wow, this is amazing. Just recently discovered your website, podcast and Youtube-channel and I LOVE it! I love that you’re so direct and to the point! I don’t have a fully developed or diagnosed eating disorder but I absolutely have disordered eating behaviours (and I think pretty much everyone, at least all adult women, at some point do), but I have a family member who suffers from anorexia. And it is so incredibly comforting and helpful to read your simple, black and white responses. Many intuitive eating advocates make it seem so difficult: there are hunger scales where you should start eating when you’re on a 4 and stop on a 6-8 (where 10 is the fullest you can be and 1 is the hungriest), and they suggest you should tune in so carefully to your body and eat mindfully and slowly and contemplate the texture of the food blah blah blah… That sounds like a new type of obsession to me, and a new skill to master perfectly – to never ever eat on a 3 or a 5 and never ever stopping on a 9 etc… I LOVE how you are so clear and no-nonsense and just says “You want to eat. You can eat. Eating is the answer. The end”. That’s what we ALL need! Thank you!!!
Hi Tabitha, I have one question that is really making me feel very low lately. I’ve already been 15 months into recovery on my own, my weight has plateu and my extreme hunger has decreased but although i still feel hungry all the time it’s like my appetite is gone, i’m starting to get bored with food and i’m not attracted to it. I try to force myself to eat but although i’m eating around 3000 kcal a day I dont feel any progress with my hunger cues and i’m at a point where I dont know if I should continue forcing myself to eat and if I will ever recover the feeling of satiation.
Hi Lucia, Im experiencing the same right now. I’m still hungry all the time, but have no desire to eat anything. How is it going now? Did you extreme hunger go away?
I dont feel hunger all the time,but food became boring for me .i try to add more different food but usually go back to regular food,which i dont consider as safe food at all ether.it looks sometimes like i dont wanna spend more time to make all these creative dishes,just want grab yogurt put peanut butter and eat it straight away .
Hi, I am having this really confusing issue about eating cake and sweet things. I know that I am scared of these foods and I have been eating them again recently. However I have realised that I feel like I can only eat them when I really really want them and when the conditions are perfect. I have also gone through phases of trying to recover where essentially my eating disorder tries to punish me with food and only ‘allows me’ to eat cake. As in ‘oh now that you are in recovery all you are allowed is cake which will make you feel really ill and awful and you are not allowed any nice or healthy or homemade food- you are only allowed to stuff your face with cake and do not deserve to feel well’.
Also I find myself thinking, I really do not want any more sweet food today or for my next meal, and just keep thinking of the piece of cake that is sitting in the fridge and that I do not want to eat. When I then make myself eat it anyways, I feel like I messed up and feel super guilty. I am just confused because if I do not eat the cake, then I am worried I am giving in to my eating disorder and if I do eat the cake I am also giving in to my eating disorder because I self-sabotaged and deprived myself possibly of food that I really wanted… I feel like I have a fear of cake but then also this self-sabotage element from my eating disorder and I just do not know the way around this one…
Any ideas? Sorry this sounds insane… what normal person sits there thinking of the foods they ‘should not/do not want to eat’…
Omg, actually I have pretty same issues with sweet food and bakery. When I enter recovery (i did it many times, as I have anorexia for 8 years) I begin to eat huge amounts of sweet food and unconsciously deprive myself from simple food that I ate (and really enjoyed) every single day, like meat (pork steaks for example), porridge, plain bread or quark. On the one hand it feels like I change my food and it is a recovery progress, BUT at the same time it seems that it has also become an ED habit (recovery = only processed sweet foods) and I’m confused because I feel like I’m not honest with myself and I still subconsciously deprive myself from food I want to eat.
Hi I just want to remind anyone reading this, that it is one person’s opinion. You might be different and that’s okay. Listen to your councillor or those trying to help, as they know how to. 🙂