I’ve not written a blog for months. I’ve been moving house, had little internet connection, and been generally busy, and tired. I’m glad that this past couple of weeks I had felt like I have the time and space to start writing again, so there will be blogs to come, soon.
I wanted to put something down to express my gratitude for all of you who have listened to and supported my podcast over the past three years. I didn’t think that it would go anywhere, or that anyone would really listen to it. Well, you did. So thank you.
I’ve had such support for the podcast, that I feel extremely guilty about announcing that I will not be producing any more episodes. But, as I discovered in the last 6 months or so, feeling guilty about stopping is not a good enough reason to keep going. I’d rather than stop completely than keep it going, but only publish episodes sporadically.
Podcasts are a lot of work. Finding people to interview, scheduling interviews, and editing audio after interviews. If I am quick, an episode may take 6 hours start to finish (including scheduling etc), but many episodes take more like 10.
It is a time thing. It’s not that I don’t have time. I can always make time. These days, my “free” time — time to do absolutely nothing productive at all — is increasingly precious and glorious to me. I am growing less inclined to give it up. I’m more selfish about my time — unapologetically, I enjoy that I enjoy being just me, without being the ‘doing stuff’ me.
This ‘wanting to do nothing’ is actually exactly something that scared me when I had anorexia. I was scared that if I allowed myself to rest, I would always want to rest. I would forget how to be productive. My ‘value’ would decrease. Because when I was sick, I thought my value was in my ability to never rest, and always be productive. (Which, if you think about it, in a famine, would be about right.)
The wonderful thing about being human in a brain that doesn’t have anorexia any more, doesn’t perceive that resources are scarce, and therefore doesn’t believe that value is in productivity, is that I have the freedom to see the real value of being human. I know that sounds incredibly deep and ridiculous, but it is true.
The other night, I was going to make this podcast. I had an hour or so. I was making my way up my back porch steps, and one of the puppies followed me up and “pawed” me on the leg, asking for attention. Years ago, when my value was in being productive, I either wouldn’t have noticed him, or I would have noticed him, and gone inside anyway. These days, I’m more inclined to sit on the floor and play with the dogs because they asked than I am to go inside and start editing audio. Sometimes it is a puppy. Sometimes it is a horse. Sometimes it is a pattern that the wind has made in the snow that I need to stare at. Sometimes, very often, it is snuggling with Matt.
I never take for granted my recovered brain. A brain that allows me to see the value in happiness, and being human. Never, ever, take it for granted. I feel blessed to have known a brain in starvation mode, if only because it allows me to know the bliss of not being there.
Anyway. That’s my way of saying there will be no more podcasts. Just because it is the right time to stop. I appreciate you for listening.
Thank you for all the information you put out through your podcast Tabitha! There is so much to benefit from! Happy to see you choosing you 🙂 Hope you will keep putting out the short format YouTube videos. Thanks again, cheers, Madelon
Thank you, Tabitha, for EVERY SINGLE PODCAST that you pored your heart and time into! They have been a godsend to me as I navigate this ED world with my teen daughter. You are the best for having done all of this!
Tabitha, words cannot express how valuable your podcasts were to my husband and I( and everyone that listened too!) All we can say is our most sincere Thank You!
I hope you will still do blogs! We need your insight!
With a selfishly sad tone in my words, I express my congratulations to you. No doubt you feel some guilt and second-guessing in the days ahead, in your heart you know this is the right progression. You have planted seeds and forged trails that have not only helped many suffering and starving souls, but perhaps have inspired a new voice to fill the space of your podcast.
Personally, I have suffered from eating disorders for over 30 years in varying degrees. Mostly in silence, undetected. I was a successful professional, then wife and mother, then both. Then a year ago, I was neither. I was only a successful eating disorder who lost all values and hope. I’m trying desperately to get them back. And define new ones. Re-discover is more accurate. After my first serious run in with anorexia in my teens and early 20’s, I wanted to work somehow in that field but was too full of shame and couldn’t make the connection to my field of expertise, so I left it all behind (except the eating disorder was always there….just flying under the radar). Now I ideas (and most importantly, I have a bit of hope!), but recovery and my health must come first. I still have a long way to go, but I’m making progress with my eating disorder and my career goals.
You mean a lot to many people, including me. I hope you still plan to do some videos or blogging.
If it’s of any worth, I’m glad to hear there will be blogs but not podcasts. As much as I wanted to learn more about many, listening to them was not something I found easy to do down to poor hearing making audio a struggle. I’d read transcripts but they were all too rare. So I for one look forward to more blogs.
I cannot love this enough! You taking care of you! We all need to follow this example…❤️
Thank you so much for all you have done. Your podcasts and You tube videos have been encouraging and helpful. But I am very pleased that you are attending to what you need. This is one of the key lessons we learn from you. So you are modelling a behaviour which is – for some of us – still aspirational.
Thank you so much Tabitha. I never thought after 12 years I could recover but you really have saved me. I hope you appreciate how much you have achieved xx
Thank you so very much for starting me on the path to true recovery through your podcasts, blogs, and YouTube videos (and of course, working with you). Life moves on, it changes, and with that our needs and wants change. There is no need to second guess when you know it feels right for you. I look forward to your blogs and will always remember the impact you have had on me.
Thanks for sharing. I am just learning about you and very inspired. I am also starting a podcast in the new year to share my journey as a ED recovered mom and a mom taking care of a daughter with AN. I hope I can make it work as I feel there is so much to share and so many to reach. Best of luck to you as you lean into the new .
Thank you for everything you’ve shared so generously to help others recover from eating disorders. Your podcasts, blog posts, YouTube videos, and books have all helped me on my (ongoing) journey to get ED off my back, and I’m certain you’ve helped way more people than you can even imagine! I wish you and your family a happy new year, and I hope your Triple R Recovery Center is a great success—it’s definitely a much-needed resource.
Thank you for all the podcasts, YouTube videos, and books. The effort you put into them is deeply appreciated, and their value lives on. I’m so glad you’ll still do blogs. I’m glad you’re taking time for you. Love you! From “Jonathan’s mom”, Feast of Knowledge, NYC, March 2019.
Tabitha I can’t thank you enough for your brilliant, honest, relevant and constructive podcasts (as well as your blog, books, YouTube videos and phone support). You have been a generous trailblazer, making vital information and support readily available to ED sufferers and their parents/families/loved ones who are desperate to live a life free from the grips of ED but are depleted and perplexed at how to get there. What an incredible service you have provided! We will continue to draw on your books, blog, and previous podcasts and videos to reinforce and guide us until we reach our vision of no longer needing them! Thank you for giving us hope and example and tools for us to get to that liberated place! All the best to you in the New Year!
And your books, for crying out loud! The books! Thank you.
What you’ve already contributed via your blog, podcast episodes and YouTube channel is honestly an absolute God send treasure trove of recovery material, enough to assist anyone with the willpower to recover.
The fact that you continue to make more of anything so regularly is a gift to us all. Thank YOU for all the time and effort you’ve put into helping people. I know absolutely that you’ve had a very large part in helping me get to a place in recovery I never thought was possible. I know this is true for so many others as well.
I’m sure all of your followers are pleased to hear you’re taking a few moments for yourself now and then.
Hi! I JUST found this page! I am looking very much looking forward to browsing the rest of our site and podcasts. I also an in ED Recovery- currently doing well with my recovery! This podcast is inspiring me to do a podcast- I am never consistent with podcasts personally. I have only done a couple. Enjoy your YOU time- I totally get it. Sending you lots of positive vibes. Best, xo AK