Unsuppressed Bodyweight. Unsuppressed Personality.

Unsuppressed Bodyweight. Unsuppressed Personality.

My eating disorder used to tell me that I was special and better because I would never allow myself a rest. It would tell me that giving in to desire was weak, and that I had the special edge over everyone else because I knew how to push myself and not give in.

None of that is true. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t special. I was fucking sick.

In the process of getting better, I had to accept my unsuppressed bodyweight, but that wasn’t the only thing my eating disorder brain didn’t like. It didn’t like my unsuppressed personality either. I had to stick up for that in the same way I had to stick up for my body. I had to repel my own judgment over both. I had to work on accepting both, and understanding that suppressing food led to suppressing me.

read more
Triple R Recovery Center

Triple R Recovery Center

We want to disrupt the model. We want to provide a place for adults who want to get better and want to re-learn how to trust and not be at war with their bodies. We want to create a space that doesn’t devalue your experience just because you might not look like the stereotypical perception of what a person with an eating disorder looks like. We want to empower you to know that you can do this, you can make the correct decisions for your recovery, you can fully recover, and it can be sustainable.

read more
“Thinner is better” is a cultural belief that’s making us sick

“Thinner is better” is a cultural belief that’s making us sick

It’s not your fault that you hold this bias/belief that thinner is better. It has been taught to you from an early age. You have been swimming in fatphobia all your life, so it is inevitable that you swallowed a lot of it. You probably started absorbing it in the womb, when you were a captive audience listening to your mother tell people about how she intended to lose the baby weight as soon as you were born.

read more
Food is so much more than just nutrition. By design.

Food is so much more than just nutrition. By design.

I think the biggest tragedy that happens when we reduce eating to calories and macronutrients is that we remove everything else. Eating by numbers takes away the important social, emotional, and psychological functions that food has for humans. And just because you don’t want food to be social and emotional and psychological doesn’t mean it isn’t. You can reduce food to numbers. You can try and ignore these other functions. But when you are wondering why you feel disconnected and unfulfilled, maybe you should start looking at the way you eat, and rather than trying to control it more, stop. Stop counting. Stop calculating.

read more
For Sarah [Podcast]

For Sarah [Podcast]

Warning: This episode may be difficult or triggering for some listeners. It involves talking about a person who recently died of anorexia. In this podcast, Tabitha talks about a person who recently died as a result of the malnutrition associated with anorexia.  Sarah...

read more
How not to allow the Ditch of Fear to swallow you in recovery.

How not to allow the Ditch of Fear to swallow you in recovery.

Fear is the biggest obstacle in recovery for most of us. Most commonly, fear of weight gain. For many of us, fear of our unsuppressed bodyweight is what keeps us circling through actions that are intended to suppress weight gain. Fear of change also factors in and keeps us taking actions that we know are not good for us. 

read more
Eating past tears, and choosing to smile.

Eating past tears, and choosing to smile.

The fact that sitting down and eating pizza — a lot of it — was actually so easy, was one of the reasons it was so sad. I could have done this 5, 8, 10 years ago. I could have. I could have made that choice. That was a shitty, shitty realisation.

read more
Will I ever be able to exercise again?

Will I ever be able to exercise again?

If you no longer have an active eating disorder, and you no longer have exercise compulsions, and you can trust yourself to do what you want to do and what is right for you. This may or may not mean movement that makes you feel good and happy. If you don’t have any ulterior motives, you will move if you want to, and not move if you don’t want to.

You have to be recovered before you start again. Recovery is the base for everything good in life. Achieve recovery first. Take your time. 

read more
Rewiring Fear: Recognising, Challenging, Overcoming

Rewiring Fear: Recognising, Challenging, Overcoming

You could walk up to just about anyone and tell them that they were afraid on some level of not being accepted and it would be true. There is nothing clever about recognizing the people are afraid of not being accepted. There is nothing specific to eating disorders about feeling that way either. I just didn’t buy it that these common-or-garden fears were the cause of my massively fucked up reaction to being offered a ham sandwich.

read more
PSA: The fat on your body is there by design

PSA: The fat on your body is there by design

You can’t fight your biology and win. Try willing yourself a couple of inches taller and see where you get with that. It doesn’t work. The thing with genes is you either suck it up and learn to work with them, or (as anyone who has spent any length of time in high heels knows) you spend your life in pain and misery.

read more
Recovery Stories: Eating Disorders and Stealing

Recovery Stories: Eating Disorders and Stealing

Admitting to stealing when I was sick with anorexia was one of the very last things I came around to being able to talk about. I was so deeply ashamed. I feared the reactions and judgements I would get from others should I be open about it. I am so glad I found the courage to share, because I know from some of the emails I get on this topic that in doing so I enabled others to better understand that their own stealing behaviour was/is a consequence of malnutrition, and a brain that perceives resource scarcity. And not, I repeat, not, a character flaw. You will do things when you are in malnutrition that are far out of character. Not eating enough food strips us down to the core of what it is to be a mammal. It turns on survival-instinct behaviours and reactions that for many people are never experienced.

read more
Anorexia recovery: Act on the truth, and only the truth

Anorexia recovery: Act on the truth, and only the truth

I know your truth. Your truth is that you are tired and hungry — no, exhausted and starving — and all you really want to do is sit on the coach and eat mountains of food. I also know that this truth frightens you. So you are trying hard to ignore and reject it You...

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What Yoga Teachers Need to Know About Eating Disorders

What Yoga Teachers Need to Know About Eating Disorders

I'm writing this as a resource for yoga instructors. It is by no-means complete and you are likely going to have to browse this blog and my podcasts to fully understand a lot of the things I talk about here. If you can't be bothered to do that, however, this is give...

read more
Unsuppressed Bodyweight. Unsuppressed Personality.

Unsuppressed Bodyweight. Unsuppressed Personality.

My eating disorder used to tell me that I was special and better because I would never allow myself a rest. It would tell me that giving in to desire was weak, and that I had the special edge over everyone else because I knew how to push myself and not give in.

None of that is true. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t special. I was fucking sick.

In the process of getting better, I had to accept my unsuppressed bodyweight, but that wasn’t the only thing my eating disorder brain didn’t like. It didn’t like my unsuppressed personality either. I had to stick up for that in the same way I had to stick up for my body. I had to repel my own judgment over both. I had to work on accepting both, and understanding that suppressing food led to suppressing me.

read more
Triple R Recovery Center

Triple R Recovery Center

We want to disrupt the model. We want to provide a place for adults who want to get better and want to re-learn how to trust and not be at war with their bodies. We want to create a space that doesn’t devalue your experience just because you might not look like the stereotypical perception of what a person with an eating disorder looks like. We want to empower you to know that you can do this, you can make the correct decisions for your recovery, you can fully recover, and it can be sustainable.

read more
“Thinner is better” is a cultural belief that’s making us sick

“Thinner is better” is a cultural belief that’s making us sick

It’s not your fault that you hold this bias/belief that thinner is better. It has been taught to you from an early age. You have been swimming in fatphobia all your life, so it is inevitable that you swallowed a lot of it. You probably started absorbing it in the womb, when you were a captive audience listening to your mother tell people about how she intended to lose the baby weight as soon as you were born.

read more
Food is so much more than just nutrition. By design.

Food is so much more than just nutrition. By design.

I think the biggest tragedy that happens when we reduce eating to calories and macronutrients is that we remove everything else. Eating by numbers takes away the important social, emotional, and psychological functions that food has for humans. And just because you don’t want food to be social and emotional and psychological doesn’t mean it isn’t. You can reduce food to numbers. You can try and ignore these other functions. But when you are wondering why you feel disconnected and unfulfilled, maybe you should start looking at the way you eat, and rather than trying to control it more, stop. Stop counting. Stop calculating.

read more
For Sarah [Podcast]

For Sarah [Podcast]

Warning: This episode may be difficult or triggering for some listeners. It involves talking about a person who recently died of anorexia. In this podcast, Tabitha talks about a person who recently died as a result of the malnutrition associated with anorexia.  Sarah...

read more
How not to allow the Ditch of Fear to swallow you in recovery.

How not to allow the Ditch of Fear to swallow you in recovery.

Fear is the biggest obstacle in recovery for most of us. Most commonly, fear of weight gain. For many of us, fear of our unsuppressed bodyweight is what keeps us circling through actions that are intended to suppress weight gain. Fear of change also factors in and keeps us taking actions that we know are not good for us. 

read more
Eating past tears, and choosing to smile.

Eating past tears, and choosing to smile.

The fact that sitting down and eating pizza — a lot of it — was actually so easy, was one of the reasons it was so sad. I could have done this 5, 8, 10 years ago. I could have. I could have made that choice. That was a shitty, shitty realisation.

read more
Will I ever be able to exercise again?

Will I ever be able to exercise again?

If you no longer have an active eating disorder, and you no longer have exercise compulsions, and you can trust yourself to do what you want to do and what is right for you. This may or may not mean movement that makes you feel good and happy. If you don’t have any ulterior motives, you will move if you want to, and not move if you don’t want to.

You have to be recovered before you start again. Recovery is the base for everything good in life. Achieve recovery first. Take your time. 

read more
Rewiring Fear: Recognising, Challenging, Overcoming

Rewiring Fear: Recognising, Challenging, Overcoming

You could walk up to just about anyone and tell them that they were afraid on some level of not being accepted and it would be true. There is nothing clever about recognizing the people are afraid of not being accepted. There is nothing specific to eating disorders about feeling that way either. I just didn’t buy it that these common-or-garden fears were the cause of my massively fucked up reaction to being offered a ham sandwich.

read more
PSA: The fat on your body is there by design

PSA: The fat on your body is there by design

You can’t fight your biology and win. Try willing yourself a couple of inches taller and see where you get with that. It doesn’t work. The thing with genes is you either suck it up and learn to work with them, or (as anyone who has spent any length of time in high heels knows) you spend your life in pain and misery.

read more
Recovery Stories: Eating Disorders and Stealing

Recovery Stories: Eating Disorders and Stealing

Admitting to stealing when I was sick with anorexia was one of the very last things I came around to being able to talk about. I was so deeply ashamed. I feared the reactions and judgements I would get from others should I be open about it. I am so glad I found the courage to share, because I know from some of the emails I get on this topic that in doing so I enabled others to better understand that their own stealing behaviour was/is a consequence of malnutrition, and a brain that perceives resource scarcity. And not, I repeat, not, a character flaw. You will do things when you are in malnutrition that are far out of character. Not eating enough food strips us down to the core of what it is to be a mammal. It turns on survival-instinct behaviours and reactions that for many people are never experienced.

read more




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