Yes, you still have to stop complusive movement.
Even if it is tiny. Even if it if just walking, or cleaning the house. Even if you already gave up running and your gym membership. If there are still elements of compulsive movement in your life, yes, you need to stop.
I’m talking about standing when you could be sitting; always being the one to wash the dishes; cleaning when it doesn’t really need to be done; parking farther away than you really need to so that you can walk farther; making decisions based on how much movement each option allows, rather than based on what you really want to do. Compulsive movement exists in these small details — not just exercise.
Compulsive movement is one of the topics that people often ask me about hoping that there may be some sort of clause or exception which allows them to not have to face the thing that they are most afraid of: stopping movement. There isn’t. The answer is always the same: you have to stop.
I don’t care if movement makes you happy. Or if you think it benefits your mental health. Having an eating disorder doesn’t. When you are fully recovered you can do what you want. You can enjoy movement in a truly healthy way. In order to get there — and I am talking about the neural rewiring part of full recovery here — you need to rewire that movement compulsion. You can’t teach your brain that it is safe for you not to compulsively move if you keep compulsively moving. Our brains learn from the way we act. If you are still acting as if you have to move as much as possible, your brain will still believe that you have to move as much as possible and the compulsion to do so will remain strong. With most aspects of recovery, the way out of this mess is to face the fear head on: the fear in this case, is stillness.
Full, sustainable recovery.
Never underestimate the importance of neural rewiring for a full, sustainable recovery.
Unless you rewire a movement compulsion — i.e. make it go away by teaching your brain it is no longer relevant — recovery is not sustainable. And by that, I mean you are going to always feel as if you are pushing uphill because every day you have to wake up and fight your compulsions. And one day, you’ll just be too tired, and you will give in. None of us can push back on compulsions indefinitely. The reason I hark on about rewiring so much is that if you rewire a compulsion, the compulsion is no longer there. The fight is over. *That* is what I mean by sustainability.
I know that it often feels like the kinder thing to say to someone is “sure, you can keep that morning walk there and as long as you eat your breakfast you will fully recover just fine.” I know that my stance of cold turkey on movement seems unduly harsh, especially when it is certainly true that a person can gain weight back and still exercise. But recovery is not only about weight gain or nutritional rehabilitation. Unless you do the neural rewiring too, you are still in a mental fight every minute of the day. The reason I am so strict on rewiring movement compulsions is I want you to actually have freedom. And don’t let anyone sell you short on that.
Walking into fear is certainly more difficult than skirting around it. But only in the short term. In the long term, skirting around your fears only prolongs the inevitable “relapse.” Fully rewiring a fear-based belief or action means that you achieve freedom from that belief and therefore freedom from the behaviors that belief results in. Freedom always feels good. Freedom is not a struggle to maintain. Hence … facing fears is actually the shorter route to where you want to ultimately be: free from this shit.
Sit. Force yourself to be still. Breathe. Focus only on this moment you are in. You can be still for this moment. And then the next moment. And then the next. You’ve got this.
Radical… of course.We are the only one who can really be honest with ourself. Eating disorders are tricky. If you are a drug or alcohol dependent, everyone knows that abstinence is the way forward. With Ed ‘s it is a different template for all of us. But the rewiring is for us all in different places. You really made me think.. I don’t want any sneaky behaviour to hijack my recovery….
this was obvs written by a fat person
this speaks to ME all my machines and laptops are at standing height,very strict rules about no rest or sleep, i skip food when i meet people in the street or stand to talk to someone in a shop even if i am not actually on a walk in the shop, this speaks to me i must confess
Bro I’m the same, I didn’t realise I had this until I learnt it existed. I’m only 16 years old too. Together we can do thi
this speaks to me i have all machines and laptops at standing height ,strict rules on no rest or sleep, skip food when people talk to me in the street or even if they makes me stand still in a shop and talk even if i am not on a walk, this so speaks to me and i have to tackle this and do more “STOP “
Thanks so much tabitha. I have found going to the cinema (especially if film is subtitled!!) a great way to force myself to sit and have to practice disengaging with the hounding negative stream of thoughts. I love film and am trying to use this as a means of helping myself be more at ease with, and NOT feeling compelled to compensate, if I sit rather than be standing or buzzing around keeping physically busy. It is hard but I’m already finding a greater freedom and more options I can take thanks to not having to shamefully hide my constant need to stand or be active. More time with friends having coffee, able to practice meditation, able to see films at the cinema, able to sit and write a letter or in my journal in a cafe for a couple of hours! The more we rewire, the more opportunities that open up to us. Early days, but I’ll keep persisting. Thank you for your explanation of the importance of challenging one’s fear and not following compulsions.
OMG!! THANK YOU TABITHA!! Granting ourselves peace…to be still is one of the most difficult aspects of recovery I feel. Both mental quiet and physical grounding !!
Gonna read this over and over and over again! Massively struggle with lower level movement (especially standing), which has not been helped by many doctors and other medical professional telling me things like that I shouldn’t sit down for long, that I’m not helping myself for sitting or napping, that I need to do physical activity etc. for other health conditions that I have..So its like I’ve got both the eating disorder, and the voices of medical professionals in my head telling me I need to continue with at least some level of lower level movement..”^^
If.l only l had the steely willpower to do this. The guilt and self loathing are too intense to fight against
This is really helpful. My 23 year old daughter is not prepared to slow down. She can’t currently accept that for recovery she needs to stop. She’s stopped running but now goes for ‘walks’…she calls me on her work break for a chat while brisk walking. She also goes on long hikes at the weekend and climbing during the week. If I ask her to stop or do less she says if she has to give it up what’s the point of anything. She gets tearful and insists on changing the subject. I wish I could help. I don’t know how. Maybe I should share this blog post but I’m scared to upset her. She says going on about her ED makes her more stressed and therefore worse. At 16 she used to stand rather than sit, fidget, get stressed if a car journey was too long. I didn’t realise how much a part of the ED this was. Thank you for posting.